


Peaceful

by lulalotte



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Squips (Be More Chill), Canon Jewish Character, Character Death, Cute, Hebrew-Speaking Jeremy Heere, Jeremy Heere Dies, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulalotte/pseuds/lulalotte
Summary: It happened so fast.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Peaceful

Michael remembers how Jeremy had looked three weeks ago. 

At that hotel Michael had brought him to for a kind of early Valentine's Day gift. 

Michael had always loved the way he could pick Jeremy up and toss him, and so he had. And Jeremy had looked ethereal, splayed out on a king mattress. He had always been small, but in a soft sort of way. His hipbones had jutted out, his soft, flat stomach sat just below his ribs. His thighs had parted and his thin legs had begged for purchase on the silky blankets surrounding him. He looked like a present waiting to be unwrapped, one with a big tag reading 'For Michael' on it in a certain someone's loopy cursive.

His face had been gorgeous, too - almost white skin and his red mouth and cute little pink nose. How his pale, pearly eyes had looked down at Michael through thick lashes. 

Michael remembers how Jeremy had reacted to him. What he had done when Michael's big, calloused hands had rubbed up and down his sides. His mouth had twisted up into a small smile as he twined his arms around Michael's neck and let his soft, golden hair fall into his eyes. 

Michael remembers how Jeremy had looked two weeks ago. 

It had been cold, so Michael had just thrown on a longer shirt under his hoodie. When his boyfriend had shown up - dressed in a long sleeve and white turtleneck and baby blue wool coat and white cotton gloves and matching scarf, Michael had grabbed his coat. His favorite one out of all his coats over the years - it was black with orange fleece on the inside, and had the Pac-man ghosts on the sleeve.

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘤𝘦," 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳. 

"𝘞𝘩𝘺?" 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘴. 

"𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴," 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭'𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺. 

"𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦- 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰." 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴, 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭'𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘱𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥. 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺. 

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘴𝘰 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰. 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴, 𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺. 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘬𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. 

𝘏𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘴 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘶𝘱, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦.

They had laughed a lot in the hour and a half they were there. Jeremy had giggled down at Michael good-naturedly when the taller had fallen right as they got off the ice. But looking up at the seemingly permanent smile on the his face, Michael had definitely deemed it worth it. 

Michael remembers not hearing anything from Jeremy last week, and trying to figure out why. He was just busy. He was at temple. His phone was broken. Michael knew after the third day something was wrong. Jeremy wasn't responding. Jeremy never took this long to respond.

Michael couldn't think of a time when Jeremy and him hadn't heard from each other for that long. 

Even when Jeremy had skipped two days of school for a funeral. 

Even when Michael had a cold at home and Jeremy couldn't come visit. 

Even when Jeremy had spent a whole month in France over the summer with his family. 

Never. 

When Jeremy was at that funeral, they had texted before and after the service and Jeremy had thanked Michael profusely for how kind he was being. 

When Michael had a cold, Jeremy dropped off a care package full of Michael's favorite soup, ice cream, cough drops, tea mixes, movies and an adorable handwritten note Michael still had to this day. They had skyped until Michael fell asleep.

When Jeremy was in France, they texted and skyped every day, even if Michael had to wake up before two in the afternoon to do it. Michael would update him on his documentaries and ask Jeremy to teach him French words. Michael could never get them to sound right, like Jeremy could. 

Mr. Heere lets Michael in. He seems much more distraught than he had been yesterday. 

Michael looks at Jeremy now. 

He looks so delicate and fragile. His hair is curlier than usual, peaking out through his blanket cocoon. His eyes are bleary and tired and a little droopy. His skin has lost any colour, except his cheeks and nose, which are bright red. 

It would be cute if he wasn't in bed. Dying. 

His lashes flutter up a little and his eyes shift to Michael. He lets out a series of coughs into his elbow, chest heaving as they rip through him.

"Hey, hey," Michael murmurs, glancing around and quickly finding a white handkerchief on the nightstand. Jeremy takes it from him, coughing into it instead. When it comes away it has a little blood on it. 

"Micha," Jeremy whispers, grabbing Michael's forearm with both hands. Michael smiles. He's talking. "Come here." 

Michael leans in. Jeremy scoots back and pulls Michael up onto the covers with him. He scoots down the bed himself, leaning his head onto Michael's chest.

Michael runs his hand through Jeremy's hair, combing it back and smiling fondly down at him. 

It's gentle. They trade sweet kisses and talk quietly as to not hurt Jeremy's throat. Michael murmurs sweet nothings. Jeremy seems to be withholding from him. 

Michael hushes Jeremy quietly. The smaller giggles at him, sitting up and smiling. 

"I didn't even say anything!" 

Michael just laughs a little, not realizing he had done it, really. When he looks down, Jeremy is looking up at him with a small smile. 

"Always keep laughing, okay?" He tells him quietly. Michael grins, leans down to nuzzle their noses together, pecks him on his soft lips before pulling back. 

"Okay." 

Jeremy's smile takes on a sad sort of quality. 

"Even when I'm not here," he mutters. Michael's eyes snap to him immediately. 

"Don't say that," he sighs. He lets his arms fall so Jeremy can crawl up a little to be closer to him. 

"I have to, Micha. I already talked to Abba." 

So that's why Mr. Heere had been so sad earlier... 

Michael doesn't say anything. Avoids Jeremy's eyes.

"It's like the tide going out. It goes out slowly but it can't be stopped." 

Michael ponders the words. When he looks back, Jeremy is smiling still, only a little, but he has silent tears dripping off his jaw. He plays with Michael's hands. 

"I'll stop it," Michael's tone is slightly pleading. Jeremy doesn't look at him, but his smile drops off his face as he kisses Michael sweetly before settling back on his chest.

Michael shouldn't have been so confident in his ability to stop the tide. 

When he wakes up, it's dark outside, his eyes are bleary, and Jeremy's skin is cold. 

Michael tries waking him up eight times before he numbly makes his way to the kitchen to find Mr. Heere. 

The funeral is not unlike Jeremy's skin. It is cold. It is wet. It is the saddest thing Michael's ever done in his life. 

Seventy people show up and Michael only knows a few of them. 

He knows their friend group. He knows his moms. He knows Mr. Heere, and he only just recognizes Jeremy's mother. Something in him thinks she doesnt deserve to be there. Some of Jeremy's friends Michael's never met before show up and speak, their speeches in Hebrew. Someone had asked Michael if he wanted to prepare something, and he couldn't do it. He was mad at himself for not even speaking at his best friend's funeral, but he didn't even know most of these people. 

They are led through hymns and prayers. People tear their lapels and cut ribbons. People cry. 

Jeremy looks delicate in a coffin. He looks like a porcelain doll someone's just bought. 

He looks peaceful. 

Michael is thankful for that.

**Author's Note:**

> I never specified what Jeremy had on purpose. 
> 
> Also, Little Women references - "the tide goes out slowly but can't be stopped" comes from Little Women. That scene is at this link: 
> 
> https://youtu.be/vRVgl9ss6EA
> 
> I was sad. So I wrote something sad. I am sorry.


End file.
